The Key to Self-Esteem
Self-esteem, like happiness, is a state of
mind. It can make you feel happy, cheerful and confident. It can also make you
feel worthless, unwanted and weak. Self-esteem can best be compared to a
powerful battery. When the battery is fully charged, the individual feels
confident and raring to go; when the battery is run down the individual feels
low and wants to hide.
Obviously, individuals with low self-esteem
cannot be expected to do well in life. They will approach every issue with a
lack of confidence even though they may be fully capable of doing a job. That
is why self-belief is considered the bedrock of self-esteem. It gives an
individual the extra confidence that makes all the difference between an
achiever and a failure.
So how do you inculcate a sense of
self-belief in yourself? You will be making a big mistake if you start seeing
yourself as the most important man in your field. This cannot be called
self-belief or self-esteem. Instead it is conceit, and as everyone knows conceit
is a dangerous quality. It generates false confidence, which often becomes a
source of woes.
What you need is healthy self-esteem. This
means that you should look at yourself as an individual who is at par with his
peer group, who has nothing to feel ashamed of, and who looks at all issues
with a positive frame of mind. Healthy self-esteem also means that you are able
to differentiate between humility and self-effacement, between arrogance and
modesty, between complacency and hyperactivity.
However, to do so you must learn to accept
yourself as any other individual who will have some strengths and some
weaknesses, and who will have some good days and some bad days. You must learn
to ride out the good with the bad. Most important, you must believe in the
clichéd saying that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. It will
give you the confidence and self-belief that every individual needs in his bad
moments. This is what self-esteem is all about – a self-belief in oneself.
Those who sit and mope can never feel
happy. The same applies to those who blame the fate for their ills. Their
energies are consumed by negative emotions. These emotions are like a
whirlpool. They suck you deeper and deeper till you loose all semblance of
self-respect and self-confidence.
Don’t allow mistakes or failures to
overwhelm you. Similarly, don’t allow guilt to eat away your happiness. Accept
your mistakes. It will make you feel much better. You must always remember that
you loose self-esteem when you try to run away from problems and challenges.
Such behavior makes you weak. It also causes your self-esteem to dip. In
contrast, your self-esteem soars when you overcome a difficult situation.
Another important thing about self-esteem
is the need to look at it as a single entity. Many people derive great
happiness from their accomplishments. Their self-esteem rises when they are in
the company of people who acknowledge their success. However, the same
self-esteem plunges when they are in a family group where they are not accepted
with the same degree of warmth. They feel unhappy, and neglected, and avoid
mixing with their family members. This is escapism. It will gnaw away an
individual’s self-esteem till he becomes lonely and unhappy. It will also
impact on his professional work at some point of time or the other.
To improve your self-esteem, you also need
to be fair to yourself. Very often individuals are very harsh on themselves
when things go wrong. They plunge into a state of depression, and allow guilt
to consume them. It is quite possible that their decision may have brought
misfortune upon a family or a company that trusted them. But over-reaction will
not change things. All individuals must judge their actions fairly.
Self-flagellation is the worst form of defeat. It weakens individuals, and
destroys their self-esteem.
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